Blah.

Blah, blah, blah. That's pretty much how I am feeling about all this fertility stuff. I think the hardest part of infertility are the ups and downs. It's one thing to not know what to expect when it comes to trying to get pregnant with issues, but I am so tired of the emotional ups and downs. It sucks. I can go from being happy and content to no joy and wanting to quit it all the very next minute. I want to be excited about trying to get pregnant but knowing how much it sucks when you find out each month you are not makes you not want to invest emotionally to save yourself from the pain. But dog gone it, I want to be excited. I don't want to get so emotionally drained that I quit or lose joy for this. It's this back and forth and up and down that really, really sucks. I'm sure it's the same for everyone struggling with fertility, adoption, you name it. As our pastor's wife Jen said in her blog this week about her son coming home finally from Ethiopia, "If you are confused right now, if your story isn't going the way you thought, or if you're tangled up in the messy middle where hope is deferred, dear reader, it could just be that God isn't done yet. Your story is not finished." I know God has a plan for us and he will see it through. During this funk I need to do the one thing I should never cease doing, pray. To borrow scripture from a friend's journal:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16