So… ah… yeah, we are a little behind in blogging. An entire
year behind. Our last blog post was also the day our daughter, Abigail
Juliette, was born. Thinking about our last blog post being Roger’s story of
Abigail’s birth, I realized I have not written my story down. I am worried if I
do not write it down I will forget details or possibly forget it completely.
And when Abi asks me in the future how she was born I will not be able to tell
her. So I am going to attempt, one year later, to tell my story of her birth.
On Wednesday, May 16, 2012, I woke up around 6:00 am and as
usual the first thing I did was go to the restroom and there was blood on the
toilet paper. Periodically during my stay at the hospital when I would get up
to go to the restroom there would be spots of blood when I wiped, sometimes a
little more, but it never continued to bleed. So I figured this time was the
same. Since I really wanted to get to full term (36 weeks) and my scheduled
caesarean section, I really hoped it was nothing. As I sat back in the hospital
bed I felt blood flow. I did not even try to look myself as I couldn't see past
my belly for some time now. I remember thinking, “It will probably stop.” I
called the nurse as I had to do every time I saw blood even if it was just
spots. I texted Roger to let him know just in case. She checked my pad and said
there was some but we would wait a bit to see if it stopped. Almost immediately
I felt flow again. So I called her back. She said she was calling my OB. It
seemed like every time I thought about it I would feel blood flow again. The
feeling of blood under me drove me a bit crazy. I did not like the feeling of
sitting in the wetness especially blood. Roger and I were texting back and
forth about whether he should start heading to the hospital. I think my
uncertainty was because I really wanted to make it to full term. It seemed like
not very much time went by and blood flowed so many times I finally remember
sighing deeply and thinking, “Okay, this is probably it.” My OB arrived and
without hesitating much after she asked me what happened she said it was time. I
remember thinking, “Wait, don’t you want to wait a little bit to see if stops?”,
but knew in my gut it was time. I texted my sister I was going to have the
c-section. The nurses began to prep me for the OR. Roger was on his way. We did
not know if he would make it in time, but someone assured me they would wait
for him. The OR team arrived and put an IV in my arm just in case they
needed it even though I had one in the other arm already. I remember discussing
with them if they really needed to give me two. I really hate IVs especially
after 26 days in the hospital and having to get a new one every few days. They
took me to the OR in the hospital bed and moved me over to the surgical table.
They told me to sit on the table facing the wall. One OR nurse stood in front
of me to help me while they inserted the spinal block. I thought it was weird
to sit up while blood was flowing out of me still. But I did what they said of
course. I was very nervous about the spinal block. Spinal blocks and epidurals freak
me completely out. Just the thought of where they put them scares me. I think I
told the anesthesiologist I was nervous about it. He talked me through it as he
did it. I pretty much immediately started feeling numbness and when they told
me to lay back I thought, “How can I if I am numb below my waist.” But of
course I was able to lay back.
A lot of stuff started happening and I couldn’t really see
much. Dr. Miller and Dr. April came and talked to me by my head. I felt good
they were there and confident about them taking care of me and Abigail. There
was so much going on but time felt like it was flying. I started to feel very
nervous, almost sick to my stomach. I remember thinking I just wanted it to be
over. Hurry up and get this over with. I had previously told Dr. Miller during
check-ups that I wanted to know everything that was going on during the
c-section. But I felt so sick and didn’t want to know anything. I just wanted
it to be over. So I got the nerve to speak up and said, “Dr. Miller?” And she
said, “Yes?” To which I responded, “I know I said before I wanted to know
everything that was happening, but I changed my mind.” Everyone in the OR
laughed, including me. I did not know Dr. Miller had begun trying to find
Abigail’s heart beat as the other prep was happening. All of a sudden I hear
her say something about the heart beat and then I hear, “This is happening now.”
All of a sudden a drape was put up right at my face it seemed. And I swear in
less than one minute I heard a baby cry. I remember being surprised by it then
I just started crying. I felt like I was shaking the whole table with my crying
but I am sure I just felt that way. I know stuff was still going on below and I
could tell the baby was taken to the side but I could not see anything. I don’t
remember if they told me anything about Abigail but I think they did ask me her
name. Then a NICU nurse, Priscilla, appeared beside my head on the right side with
Abigail all swaddled up in those striped blankets you always see babies in at
hospitals. She said something to me like, “Here’s your beautiful daughter. Give
her a kiss.” Priscilla’s angelic face and excitement about Abigail made me feel
so good. Then she shoved Abigail’s face at my face and I kissed her. She told
me they were taking her straight to the NICU. I asked her if my husband Roger
was going with them and she confirmed that he was right outside the door waiting
and he would be with Abigail. I am sure with everything that just happened, the
emergency c-section, the abrupt birth, and the separation of myself and my baby,
caused me to feel very overwhelmed. I started trying to breathe deeply and
slowly to get my nerves in check and try to calm myself. I guess it was fairly
loud because Dr. Miller asked me from the other side of the drape if I was
okay. I told her, "I think I am just nervous." She asked me if I wanted anything
to help and I told her I did not know. She probably signaled the
anesthesiologist because he appeared next to my head on the right side and
began talking to me in such a calm way. It really helped me be able to make a
decision and I let him go ahead and give me something.
That’s all I remember. I woke up in recovery in what I
thought was thirty minutes after the c-section. Boy was I wrong. It turns out
it was many hours after Abigail was taken from the OR. I did not know this
until the next day, but my placenta would not detach from the uterus and I had
lost a lot of blood already. A balloon was inserted after the placenta was
finally removed to help stop the bleeding. It finally stopped enough for them
to be satisfied to take me to recovery then I was sent back to Labor & Delivery to be observed until the bleeding stopped completely and I was safe.
If the bleeding did not stop with the balloon they would have removed my uterus
to stop it. I was in and out of consciousness until they moved me to L&D. I
remember seeing and talking to our neighbor Paul who was dropping of a gift but
they thought he was a delivery guy and let him come into recovery. I asked him
where Roger was and I guess he went to find him. I still did not know at this
time that hours had passed since the c-section. I went back to the same room in
L&D I was in each time I had a big bleed and was taken to the hospital. It
was right across from the OR just in case I needed to go back in. Nurses were checking
on me frequently. Between the bleeding of my uterus, the catheter, and the
saline for the IV, I was surrounded by bags that nurses were checking often. They
would lift up a bag and I could see blood or urine and wondered what was going
on. They were always telling me stuff or asking me questions but I couldn’t
understand much of what they were telling me. It was almost like I didn’t care.
I knew I would be okay eventually and Abigail was in good hands. I had complete
confidence everything was going to be okay. I could feel the tube from the
balloon coming out of me and it always felt like it was coming out. I woke up
once and looked up and saw bags of blood on the IV pole. That was quite a shock
to see. I received a lot of pain medication that first day and night. I was so
out of it. The next morning was more of the same in terms of nurses in and out checking
bags of fluids. I received two more bags of blood and my OB
explained my blood was still not how it should be from losing so much after the
c-section. I do remember thinking, "This sucks. C-sections suck. I wouldn't wish this on my enemy." Maybe mine was worse because of the emergency and my placenta issues, but I hated the experience. By the end of the day, the doctors were satisfied with my blood and
my uterus to move me to postpartum. Before moving me over, the nurse moving me noticed
the time and took us to the NICU first so I could finally see Abigail. I only
had a few minutes before visiting time
I remember being glad to finally get out of the hospital and
that I was healthy enough to go home, but wondered how I was going to get to
the hospital to see Abigail since I couldn’t drive for two weeks. Plus I was
pumping every three hours and wanted to get my breast milk to the NICU for her.
My dear friend Lana Joy drove me as often as I wanted and even came to the NICU
and helped bottle feed Abi after I breastfed her. I started driving a week and
a half later and went to the NICU every day myself and every other night with
Roger. After a few restarts of the countdown to take Abigail home due to
breathing and heart issues, we finally brought her home eighteen days after her
birth.
It has been an amazing year. And it has gone by so fast.
Everyone says it goes by fast. I realized a few weeks ago why it
goes by so fast. The first six months were truly a complete blur of just trying
to survive. All that was important during that time was getting sleep, eating
and taking care of Abi 24-7. The first year goes by so fast because you
really do not remember the first six months clearly. I do feel like things started getting a lot easier at six
months. Yes, it got easier up to six months, but it was slow. Like by minutes
easier. As Abigail could stay awake longer and longer between naps, it also got
a lot more fun. She really is a lot of fun. I feel like we are always laughing.
And we play a lot. Sometimes I think for a second I should be doing something
productive like laundry or mopping, but since I am naturally lazy, I easily
convince myself that stuff is not important and can wait. I am playing with my
baby. I do feel so extremely blessed I get to stay home with her full time and
Roger works from home. We all get to play a lot.
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